1672: The Disaster Year

A spooky historical parallel to give you nightmares.

(With massive thanks to Reddit user JolietJakeLebowski)

In Dutch history, 1672 is referred to as the Rampjaar (romp yarr)—the disaster year. Quite a lot went wrong then. This is just one 1672 story. It’s not even the one most histories lead with.

The Dutch Republic was bitterly divided over a political issue. They had, as the name suggests, a non-hereditary system of government. But they also had a hereditary line, titled the Princes of Orange, who were traditionally given a great deal of power. The Pro-Republic party thought the Orange men were bad, a relic of a less enlightened time, and should be prevented from simply assuming high office as their divine right. They were opposed by the Orangists, to varying success. A generation ago, the Orangists had pulled off a coup to get an Orange man into power, but after he died, the Dutch were strangely reluctant to make his infant son their ruler. Instead, they were informally led by Johan de Witt, a Pro-Republic statesman and holder of the position of Grand Pensionary, which very roughly translated to Prime Minister, in fact if not in name.

Enter Cornelis Tromp. A minor celebrity, partly thanks to his father, Tromp was known as a very conceited man. He loved to brag about his accomplishments and possessions. He set a record by commissioning 22 different portraits of himself. And he had a custom house designed and built in a unique shape, known now as Trompenburgh. He was known for his popular touch—his fellow elites hated him, but he was weirdly loved by the common man, even though his selfish or mistaken choices frequently got the common man killed. He was fined heavily for abusing government resources for personal gain. But not, of course, heavily enough to offset the gain.

Tromp was a devout Orangist. In August of 1672, he and some comrades incited a mob to storm the capital building (okay, a building in The Hague), trapping Johan de Witt inside. Tromp himself didn’t participate, just hung out nearby and said vaguely encouraging things. Eventually, he told them it was getting late, and that now was the time “if they had anything good planned.” It’s controversial whether what happened next was planned, maybe by Tromp or maybe by the Prince himself, now a grownup. Some witnesses said they saw people moving with trained precision and coordination, while others insisted it was just a chaotic day that got a little out of hand. And by a little out of hand, I mean they ate the prime minister.

That’s such a weird sentence. I don’t really know how to format or punctuate it. So I’m just sticking with deadpan. They ate the prime minister.

Reportedly, Tromp’s only response to the murder and cannibalism translates to “That’s good, lads.” That was a good enough speech for the mob, who saluted him and shouted “Long live the Prince! Long live Tromp!”

Tromp did indeed live for a long time after. With his chief adversary eaten, the Prince of Orange quickly consolidated power, and his first edict was that nobody was to suffer any consequences for the incident, lest tensions rise further. Wouldn’t want anything bad to happen. His wikipedia page says Tromp died remorseful. But a citation, as the saying goes, is needed.

To me, the key lesson here is that it’s a bad idea to go “well, he may have broken the law trying to acquire power, but according to our sacred republican principles, we shouldn’t do anything about it.” If people are allowed to profit on net from embezzlement, not only will they keep embezzling, but they’ll use that money to protect themselves and to gain more opportunities to exploit the public. And if people are allowed to just keep doing coups until one of them sticks…

Pictured: Willem-Alexander, current Prince of Orange, and current King of what was formerly the Dutch Republic.